The Wolverine kicks off an indeterminate amount of time after The Last Stand. Yeah, they're pretending that still happened. Logan's not dealing with killing the woman he loved that well. He's off in the American wilderness somewhere, sharing a patch of forest and a strained relationship with a bear. He regularly dreams about laying in bed with Jean, who acts as both sympathiser and tormentor, sometimes in the same conversation. His clear and obvious need to "just fucking get over her" manifests itself when an old and dying friend from Japan named Yashida sends an errand girl to see if he'll come over to say hooroo. Upon arrival, Yashida reveals he's worked out a way to remove Logan's powers and impress them on himself, effectively curing his nuclear radiation poisoning and allowing Logan the thing he wants more than anything else: to die. "You don't want what I have, bub," Wolverine grunts, and goes to bed ready to head home the next day. That night, he's infected with a parasite that wraps around his heart and prevents his body from healing, a fact he doesn't discover until he's shot five times the next day. And so begins a tale of murder, corporate espionage, the yakuza and a gigantic adamantium mecha-samurai that teams up with a bald snake lady who spits on people. One of these things is not like the other.
The first two thirds of this movie were surprisingly good. Even really good every now and then. The film's opening blew me away: a chilling and brutally effective recreation of the bombing of Nagasaki that sets up Wolverine's friendship with Yashida. Another highlight was a point later in the film where Yashida's granddaughter, Mariko, lies in bed with Logan. She tells him about her grandfather's bedtime story: the story of the Wolverine. A magical protector unable to be killed, he watches over her family and keeps them safe. And it's within those two scenes that we find the film's biggest strength: in a larger X-Men film, Wolverine is just the coolest of the cool. In this film, he is alone. He is legend. Which is something that carries all the more weight when he's suddenly made mortal. Now he's just a man with six swords against the Yakuza. This leads to some incredible action set-pieces, such as the exhilarating bullet train roof sequence, in which Logan and a Yakuza member desperately try and slash at each other while also trying to avoid low-hanging signs and such by dislodging their blades and jumping into the air. Hands-down though, the best example of this comes at the end of the film's second act. Logan works out that the reason he's been protecting Mariko from the Yakuza is because her father, Shingen, ordered the hit so as to prevent Mariko from becoming the heir of her grandfather's company as stipulated in his will. After performing surgery on himself to remove the parasite sucking on his heart and dying for a little bit while his regenerative powers kick back in, he awakes just in time to catch the down-swinging blade of Shingen; drunk, insane, decked out in samurai gear Shingen (don't ask why). What follows is an unbelievable sword fight: Shingen furiously slashing at Wolverine, who either blocks or allows himself to be cut, because fuck it. At one point, Shingen sticks the blade through his chest and out the other side. Wolverine twists his body to snap the sword, flexes and pushes the blade out. Shingen is finished. Wolverine looks like he's about to gut the fucker. He pauses. "You tried to have your own daughter killed," he growls. "Live with that." Ten out of fucking ten. He walks away from the man defeated. Unable to live with that, he runs screaming at Logan, sword held high. Logan turns at the right moment and sticks his claws through Shingen's throat. I could have cheered. Movie over, right?
Sadly, movie not over. Some executive must have gotten cold feet over the idea of an X-Men movie with only one mutant and demanded that someone, anyone, get chucked in to give Logan a supernatural run for his money. So they scraped the bottom of the barrel and pulled out Viper. When I said earlier "a bald snake lady that spits on people", that wasn't hyperbole. That's literally her role in this film. She spits on people, they get pimples and die, and later she's dead until she hisses and sheds her skin, losing her hair in the process. Her other ability? She's immune to all poisons. A formidable opponent, if at any point during the movie she was ever in danger of being poisoned. Oh, and there's the mecha-samurai, too, existing only to keep Wolverine in mortal danger with its adamantium blades and to fuck the story. It turns out it's not a robot, but the previously thought dead Yashida in disguise. Seems he was a bit miffed that Wolverine wasn't willing to give up his gift, so he figured the best course of action was to spend an exuberant amount of money to create a gigantic robot that's only real use was hacking his claws off with the sword and sucking out his bone marrow with a drill. Spared no expense! It's not enough for this to just be a weak ending though, it has to go and ruin all of the good stuff preceding it. Wolverine saved this guy's life in Nagasaki, and he was so in awe of this ronin that he offered his sword to him and made him legend. Until the possibility of everlasting life and power came along. Poor Yukio having the scummiest fucking family ever. But it's not just the impact on the story that makes this last act so bad; it's the fact that it's so unbelievably out of place. Wolverine spends most of the movie mortal, risking his life fighting humans wielding swords and guns to protect Yukio, before regaining his powers to take down the most dangerous of them all. And then a robot. It's like finishing No Country for Old Men with a game of Super Smash Bros.
Ultimately though, the worst thing is that the stuff I liked about The Wolverine wasn't even that great. It was just good. Adequate. Competent. This is what gets me excited about summer movies these days. The best I can hope for is something that just ticks the boxes. It's not unrelentingly violent and schizophrenic for the sake of being dark and edgy, it's not racially insensitive for the sake of moral protection, it's not bad for the sake of being like the bad thing it's referencing. It's just...there. And then it fails to even do that. A perfectly good movie ruined by the fear that Wolverine can't just fight humans. That he can't just be an interesting character we can relate to; someone unable to ever receive rest from his demons. Someone whose abilities are such an unbelievable burden that he wishes weren't his, because of the subsequent unquestionable obligation to use them to protect people. People he'll inevitably have to watch die. No, you can have a bit of that, but then he's got to punch the bald snake lady before she spits on everyone! I don't know, maybe I just expect too much of movies. Then again, fuck that. I'll do what I want, bub.
So I've got a little something different prepared for you blessed few today: a second opinion from both the most good looking dude I know and perhaps the only person who reads further into films than I do: my good friend Jeremiah Smith! He was keen to put his own two cents in and has done a bang up job tearing this flick to shreds. If you dig his style, let me know and I'll try and get him in on more in the future!
The film starts strong, with an opening flashback sequence that reminds me a bunch of the opening sequence of the original X-Men movie (both of them WWII related). And like the first film, I'm getting hints of a truer version of Logan's disposition (and he hasn't even murdered anyone yet). We're off to a good start, keep it up and we have a Wolverine movie.
A dream sequence follows, and in some clumsy dialogue with the ghost of Jean Grey, Logan expresses he made a vow to never hurt anyone again. Awesome, a chance to build some tension and to push Logan to his limits - hints of the Old Man Logan comic. I'm still invested. Hobo Logan wakes up and wanders the Canadian wilderness. He encounters some ignorant assholes and they hurt a bear. This would usually mean trouble for these D-bags, but Logan made a vow. He's gonna have to handle this in a different way, or walk awa- oh wait, the claws are out. "Sorry Jean" is expressed without any semblance of remorse. We're losing Logan and I'm losing faith. We're about 12 minutes into the movie.
A Japanese girl walks in with a katana. She says things and scenes change. She and the Wolverine are now in Japan. Exposition; pay attention, you need to know the dude practicing sword fighting can sword fight. The only way this could be lazier writing is if there was a voiceover, or onscreen titles that pop up. Logan reconnects with an old Japanese dude Yashida, and they have a pretty interesting conversation. Mortality, atonement, honour: these themes are on the table now. I'm reminded of a deleted scene from X-Men, in which Logan is letting Rogue know she's not alone by telling her he can't show her the scars from all the times he's tried to kill himself. He wants out, now more than ever with Jean haunting him. I'm listening again. But Logan says no. Um, what? A chance at a normal lifespan, to age, to love without fear of outliving his partner, to atone for all the carcasses in his wake. At the very least a chance for some tension in the film. I realise what I'm watching. I'm checking out mentally.
The Wolverine is a huge tease. Those themes I mentioned earlier? It doesn't matter if you don't remember, because they don't re-enter the film. We get bullet train fights and Yakuza hit-men and corporate BS instead. We get a jacked-up version of Walter Matthau (Grumpy Old Logan) and a giant robot samurai and plot holes and a bald snake lady. And ninjas. I'm sure it looked good on paper (literally, it is a comic). It’s the most frustrating thing about this movie: you know they know better because they laid it all out for us, and then pissed it away for some shallow bastardisation of a much-loved character. See, Logan is, in essence, a tragic character. He will outlive everyone he gets close to. The dude is quietly grieving 24/7, so don't disturb him or he'll get pissed. Innate to this dude is sadness, not rage. Enough with the rage. But that's all the studios want from Hugh Jackman, it seems. And I have much love for Hugh; he's pretty solid (anyone that saw The Fountain would agree), but a couple of thousand-mile stares and a sad face every now and then would help the audience believe that Logan is carrying the weight of 200 years plus of shitty living. He did it in X-Men awesomely. But they want the raging beast, and so do some fans, which is fine. But don't put a badass in an M rated film. The guy with claws in a samurai movie doesn't cut off a single limb (or lose any). Blade is laughing at him.
The Wolverine movie I was hoping for was a more traditional samurai film, something patient and deliberate and a character study of a genuinely interesting and tragic character. Instead, this film is the tragedy. With the studios taking a 'risk' by ditching the X-Men moniker, The Wolverine had the potential to reboot the character in a standalone film, and to totally blow the audience away. I wanted something that respected the audience as well as the character and some well-placed action to break it up. It had the potential to be the Skyfall of comic book movies. The 12 year olds that love this stuff - they have their Wolverine movie. Who are we kidding - they have four of them.
There is a scene in The Wolverine where we see Logan shaving himself with a razor. He has claws, I can't imagine Logan ever using a razor, let alone shaving that regularly. They got him all wrong. I haven't seen Logan since X-Men, and I need him to return before this character gets any staler. They're beating a dead Wolverine and he’s refusing to die. But they have to pump these out before Hugh gets too old to convince us he's not ageing.
Notably bad dialogue:
Logan: Don't hurt my friends!
Some Japanese dude: What...are…you?
Logan: I'm the WOLVERINE!
Logan: Go fuck yourself, pretty boy.
I agree with most of what you've said, man. The first two acts were good peppered with the occasional great moment. It was, despite the final act, better to me than the two Iron Man sequels.
ReplyDeleteI also like that a century old mutant can still get some teen Japanese poon.
I really hope to see Wolverine joined by Avenger
ReplyDeletejaket kulit Wolverine X-Men